Operation Set Matt Free benefiting the Save a Wonder foundation ended up netting me a single dollar bill. And that was from Craig. The only entity to benefit from Operation Save a Wonder was PayPal, which awarded itself 33 cents for the difficult task of sending me a dollar.
Due to the failed fundraiser, 7 weeks ago, I became a real, live Accountant. Among the many negatives with this line of work…accountants are expected to bathe daily and dress business casually. This morning, as I stepped out of the shower and into my khaki pants, I had the same thought I have every morning, “What the hell is wrong with me?” The prompting for today’s question had to do with the label on my Liz Claiborne pants that read “40×30”. How did my belly get to be 10 bigger than my legs? And why didn’t I just buy 42X30s instead of getting the 40X30s with the stretchy waistband? And why am I wearing women’s pants?
After painting on my long pants, I sat in traffic today with the other lemmings. I parked in a garage filled with the cars owned by suckers just like me. We work for the man. The man is winning. Why is most of society willing to trade their soul and dignity for health insurance and a 401k? What if I really am 7 weeks into a 30 year sentence as an Accountant? Panic has begun to set in. To combat this panic 2HW has decided to have a mid-life crisis.
We recently held a staff meeting to determine how to best cure the itch that is our midlife crisis. We thought about having a fling with Craig’s pool boy. We thought about buying a Corvette or the more practical, yet sporty Hyundai Scoupe. We thought about growing mullets. Ultimately we were unable to come up with an acceptable option. So, we’ve scheduled a follow-up staff meeting to be held in conjunction with our annual shareholder’s meeting in Las Vegas. To prepare the city that sins for our presence, we will begin a letter writing campaign, seeking comps and other assorted perks.
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