Letters to Las Vegas

Dear Travel Lodge,

Good idea opening a hotel in Vegas that doesn’t have a casino. Craig and I would be happy to do a four day conference on running a craps game in exchange for a room at the Bellagio. To get the craps running all Matt needs is a milkshake or some spicy barbeque.

Thanks,
2HW

Dear Free Drinks,

We’ve been missing you. Hope all is well. Great news…we’ll be in town in July and have $1400 saved up to lose at blackjack so that we can spend some quality time together.

Thanks,
2HW

Dear hotel where Siegfried and Roy live,

You haven’t seen gay until you’ve seen Matt and Craig in pantsuits performing acts with white tigers. We’ll work for two free hamburgers an hour.

Thanks,
2HW

Dear Cher,

2HW will show you the sunny side of their bono in exchange for one hairy back rub.

Thanks,
Craig from 2HW

Dear Caesar’s Palace,

My friend Craig loves men in loin cloths. Please give him the business.

Thanks,
Matt from 2HW

Dear Bellagio,

Congratulations on receiving our first Choose Your Own Adventure letter.

A) 2HW will prance about in your fountains wearing revealing swimwear in exchange for 4 nights lodging and meals.
B) 2HW Wonder will agree not to prance about in your fountains wearing revealing swimwear in exchange for 4 nights lodging and meals.

Thanks,
2HW

Dear Mayor of Las Vegas,

Greetings from America’s fourth funniest overweight lowbrow buddy comedy duo, Two Hit Wonder. We will be making a rare public appearance next month in Las Vegas. We anticipate it turning into a comedic version of what the gays call a “coming out party”. Legions of our fans are likely to come out of the closet (as fans) and wreak havoc on the city that made creepy moustaches cool.

We’d appreciate you playing along by naming July 12-16th, “Two Hit Wonder Awareness Week”. We’re not sure what “ticker tape” means, but that’s the kind of parade we’d like. A key to the city and an honorary doctorate of hilarity from UNLV would also be nice.
While we’re in town, we plan to tape a season’s worth of the Two Hit Wonder show. We’re hoping to get Wayne Newton as our first guest, but if we can’t pull him away from high stakes Baccarat, we’d be honored to have you fill in (as guest host, while we play Baccarat with Wayner).

Thanks,
2HW