2HW: Best Website in the World?

Even though no one could possibly know this, 2HW is quite possibly the best website in the world. I like the updated letters to Hollywood and FAQs. I can’t wait to tell someone about the updates.
Signed,
Sean, not a pirate but wishes he were

Thank you for your kind words. It’s funny that you mention that we might have the best website in the world. We have an informal plan to become the best, but are kind of lazy about actually implementing it. Okay, we don’t actually have a plan, but if we did, it would be informal and we wouldn’t follow through with it. I’ll have to check the daily statistics, but I believe we are up to 3 or 4 fans, so the world will soon know all about the behemoth that is 2HW.

All the best to you in your quest to become a pirate. Try visualizing yourself as a pirate and it will be so. Son-of-a…I accidentally just visualized you as a butt pirate. I apologize for the inconvenience, but just in case you’re into that sort of thing, Craig is doing a swim suit photo shoot this weekend. Pictures coming soon.

Sincerely,
Andrew Schmack
2HW Intern and Lead Email Correspondent

Letter to Rita Wilson

Dear Rita Wilson,

We heard that you gave Nia Vardalos her shot at the big time when you were captivated by her one woman show, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” and turned it into the feel good hit movie of 2002. We would like the chance to captivate you with our two man show, “Two Hit Wonder: the Musical”, which is currently in pre-production status. If you don’t love it, please remember that we’re big and fat and are willing to get married if the price is right.

Thanks,
2HW

How can I become a fan?

If one would be so inclined as to become a fan, how would one go about this process?Thanks,WWEF (Wonder Woman Ex-Fan)

Thank you for your email. We try very hard to answer all email within 10 minutes of receipt. Unfortunately, due to unprecedented volume, we were unable to answer your email in a timely manner. We apologize for the inconvenience.

To be a fan you must first send us money. A lot of money. But, not just yet. In the near future, we hope to implement a program similar to Scientology, whereby the more cash you give us, the more we tell you that you are a nearly perfect fan. I’m not sure if Scientologists believe in immortality, but Craig and Matt will be immortal soon. The fan that sends them the most money will be deemed the Perfect Fan and will win the right to have “relations” with an immortal; the two hit wonder of their choice (provided that you are the winner of our Perfect Fan contest and that you pick Craig).

In the meantime, I have sent you a red shirt with the white letters “Dianetics” crossed out and replaced with “TwoHitWonderinetics”.

Thank you,
Andrew Schmack
2HW Intern and Lead Email Correspondent

Letter to Tom Hanks

Dear Tom Hanks,

We’re big Peter Scolari fans. We’d like to remake the Bosom Buddies and were hoping you could put a good word in for us with Peter. Craig and I are already buddies and you should see us in wet t-shirts…man breasts ahoy! Also, Craig has vast experience dressing up like a woman with his ongoing participation in CAF (Crossdressers And Friends) conventions around the greater Los Angeles area.

Thanks (hey, that’s what the back of your softball jersey would say “THanks”),
Matt from 2HW

Two Hit Wonder is born

Note: This message is from the future…I wrote it on 3/31/06, but wish we had thought of starting this blog when the Two Hit Wonder dot com was launched, so I’ve backdated this entry to the day 2HW was born. I’ll try to add letters and other content with blog dates close to the actual date the content was written.

Who would have thought the day would come when Two Hit Wonder would have too much content? Yet, six months in, we have a body of work that is nearly as large as my buddha belly (one day we hope to be as funny as buddha). It’s become kind of hard to navigate a few of the pages on the site, especially the Letters to Hollywood section. I’ll be moving letters to this blog to make them a little easier to access. The blog format will also provide our readers the opportunity to post and see their own hilarious comments on the www.

In addition, an occasional random thought will be posted…the kind that used to be only viewable in my Assorted Funny Stuff file. For example, 3 weeks ago I had a breakthrough in snacking theory, but had nowhere to document it on 2HW dot com. That’s what Blogs are for, so here goes….“If I eat lunch early, I can eat my afternoon snack earlier.” I’m proud to say I’ve had no trouble maintaining my all-time high weight since this realization.