Dear Tara Conner,
Your recent behavior has included coke snorting (allegedly), Miss Teen USA kissing (allegedly), rock star sexing (allegedly) and underage drinking (admittedly)…which would have been great if you’d won a contest to be Tara Reid for a year. But, you’re Miss USA.
Young women should be looking up to you as the role model who personifies everything that they should aspire to be. Instead, young men are excited that you’re encouraging young women to be promiscuous bi-sexual drunks.
Miss USA owner Donald Trump met with you earlier this week with the intent of firing you for your inappropriate behavior, but instead said, “After speaking to her I saw not only a beautiful woman, but a beautiful heart”. My former company’s version of Donald Trump met with me with the intent of firing me for my inappropriate behavior, and did just that after finding no internal or external beauty.
I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve watched more than one episode of “The Apprentice” and as a result, I know that when Don-Don sours on someone, it’s over…they’re fired. So, I have to assume that to get back in his good graces, you sold your soul to the Donald. This was confirmed when you wouldn’t confess to being an alcoholic, but let Donald kindly admit to your alcohol addiction on your behalf.
You beautiful people have it made. Engaging in sex, drugs and rock-n-roll on the job earned you compliments from your boss and an all expense paid trip to the rehab resort of your choice. If community service is part of the Don’s plan for your life, I’d like you to consider becoming my mentor. I could certainly use some beauty tips and if I ever find an employer dumb enough to hire me back into the corporate world, I’ll need to learn how to get away with lewd behavior to ensure that I don’t repeat the cardinal sin I committed at my last job…trying to be funny.
Thanks,
Matt
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment