Sorry for the delay…I was out of town this week pretending to learn how to become an accountant and had to watch a tape of last week’s AI episode.
This season, while the young Idols have been receiving guidance from famous recording artists, it appears that the AI writers have been taking advice from author Franklin W. Dixon. American Idol is categorized as a reality show, but the last two weeks have been every bit as formulaic as one of Dixon’s Hardy Boys’ Novels. Last week’s show was a remake of the Hardy Boys’ classic, “Incident at Unwarranted Praise Island”. This week, the writers used the same Hardy Boys’ model (complete with some shocking twists) to try to keep the audience buzzing about their phony little game show.
Catharine has been the most consistent female performer. But, this week, she was horrible. And I’m not talking about her “Big Bird with cleavage” outfit. Her routine was horrible. Or so the script said. The judges unanimously ripped apart a great performance by a great performer. America probably would have talked more about this injustice, if it hadn’t been overshadowed by Paula forgetting her lines. It was clear that Paula had done some pre-game tailgating, when she slurred “know what your money is…your back pocket”.
Next was Elliott, who on personality alone should have been ousted weeks ago. The writers keep saving him by giving the judges nothing but good things to say about him. Tonight was no exception…his song was very good, but I’m guessing Paula was the only one watching who cried. She’s either a brilliant actress or gets emotional when she’s been drinking.
Kellie’s entire set was bizarre. It had a little bit of everything, as if the AI brass wanted her to be ousted and decided to send her off in style. Her little interview with R Seacrest had the feel of a weird Craigslist ad…“Country girl seeks pottery playmate”. Then came the unusual carnival act…“Step right up and see the blind dude guess your hair color”. David Foster truly looked freaked out when Andrea correctly guessed Kellie’s hair color. I admit that it was amazing. Who would have thought the dumb girl was a blonde? Kellie’s performance was weak for the second straight week and the judges’ harsh comments will ensure that this is her last week. I just couldn’t get past her arrangement. Her hair arrangement. It looked like a weird pompadour/Mohawk hybrid. Her head appeared to be the offspring of a James Dean, Mr. T and the Flock of Seagulls ménage a trois.
Paris and Taylor put on forgettable performances and received mostly negative feedback from the judges. Paula again put on a nice acting performance…looking like she was truly struggling to come up with a compliment before calling Taylor “handsome as heck”. Which, when translated from Paula’s drunk to sober dictionary reads “your singing sucked ass”. Clearly, the writers want Taylor and Paris out.
Chris closed the show in style…although the AI writers still seem obsessed with ensuring that he wins the black vote. In last week’s column, I mentioned that his awkward placement of his African-American guitar player on stage reminded me of George Costanza trying to prove he had a black friend. This week, Chris proved to be twice the man that Costanza is, flanking himself with two black guitar players. Stay tuned to see what the writers come up with next week. I’m hoping for a mock campaign ad with Mandesa pledging her support to Chris while slamming Paris’s military record.
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