Suggestion Box/Fun Committee

A few weeks ago we got an email from our department admin saying she was going to start a suggestion box. I forwarded the ridiculous email to Craig, who replied, “You’re not a man if you don’t go take a dump in that suggestion box right now”. I really wish I had listened to him, because today we got an email detailing the results.

It was a pointless email that detailed the 6 suggestions that were submitted. It was unclear whether or not anything would be done with the suggestions. But, it was sent as though the department had been waiting on pins and needles to hear what had been suggested. After reading it, I wished I had a pin and a needle to gauge both my eyes out, so as to not have to read another one of her emails.

Some suggestions were reasonable: save energy by turning electronics off, start recycling, etc.

Some were not.

One simply read “Building Scavenger Hunt”. How is that a suggestion? The box was not labeled “ways to find out who keeps alcohol in their desks”. It’s a freaking suggestion box.
Another person suggested we start a company softball team. That is a terrible idea. Why on earth would anyone want to spend more time with people like the one who submitted this “suggestion”?

“I can’t print excel documents 1 sided. Does anyone know how to do this?”

What’s more ridiculous; the fact that this person mistook the suggestion box for a printing FAQs box, or the admin deciding to include it with the other suggestions? I guarantee that the other 98 people in the department know how to print on one side. In fact, within seconds someone explained how to do it. Thank God they replied to all so I could have a fourth reason to jump out the sixth floor window within a span of 10 minutes.

What is wrong with people? How in the world did someone who can’t figure out how to change printer properties get hired in the first place?

Update 8/29. The person who put the printing FAQ in the suggestion box has been promoted. I kid you not.

Not only did our ingenious administrative assistant detail every suggestion whether or not they fell into the suggestion category, she ended the email with the following statement…
“We are also looking to start a fun committee. If you are interested in joining this team, please let me know. This team will meet to think of things that will make the work place a fun place to be.”

For the love of God, shoot me in the head. Not just a fun committee. A fun committee that is so important it needs a 20 point green font. If we’re not going to start cocktail weekdays then there will be no fun here. I cannot imagine anything less pathetic than the people who aspire to make the office more fun. The office will never be fun. It’s an office.

I have a suggestion for the fun committee: Replace Casual Fridays with “Everyone’s a Bitch” Fridays. Now that would be fun. Everyone would have the freedom to call others “Bitches”. I tested this idea with a couple of co-workers and it caught on like wildfire. All emails were addressed “Dear Bitch”. Anytime I would have said someone’s name, I inserted the word Bitch. There are so many people that I’d like to call a bitch.

The only downside of this program is that I guarantee a lot of work would be put off until Friday. “I really need to point out all the mistakes Johnson made on his Account Reconciliation immediately, but if I wait till Friday, I can call him a bitch too”.

Put that in your stupid suggestion box you fun committee Bitches!