Volunteering for Free Popcorn

I am fat. Corporate America is fat. Therefore I am a Corporate American. Some people volunteer out of the goodness of their hearts. Some people volunteer because it makes them feel better about themselves. And some people volunteer because they are offered something in return. While technically that undermines the very concept of volunteerism, it says something about Corporate Americans. All you have to do to get us to do anything is offer us free snacks.

Below is an actual email I received today…

Are you looking for a way to represent (Company Name) in your community? Join your new (Company Name) Community Relations Team!
Take an opportunity TODAY to express your interest. Visit us in the cafeteria between 11:00 p.m. and 1:00 p.m. to learn more about CRT and receive a FREE BAG OF POPCORN. Use the following link to download and print a coupon for your free afternoon snack:

Coupon

Our break room microwaves have signs that say it’s against the fire code to microwave popcorn in our building. I’m sure the Community Relations Team planted those signs to ensure that popcorn loving fatties like me would think they’d died and gone to heaven when they read about this golden opportunity for free forbidden popcorn.



If you’re an Accounts Payable terrorist looking to throw off the balance sheet of a large corporation, today would be a great day to strike…absolutely no one will be at their desks from 11-1.