Work's for PHAGS Intro/Craig Quits

Two Hit Wonder dot com will be celebrating its first anniversary next month. That’s the paper anniversary and Craig took advantage of that opportunity to give me his resignation. He grew weary of my mental instability and Diva-like behavior and has decided to quit the band. We heard reunion tours are quite lucrative, so we’ll split up for the time being and wait for the offers to pour in.

Starting today I will begin writing for both the Matt and Craig characters. Since I’ve written 95% of the site content to date, the change will be minimal. But, I’ll now have the liberty to do something I’ve wanted to do all along…make the Craig character gay. To honor Craig’s memory, 2HW is launching a long overdue section called “Work’s for PHAGS”.

I have spent the last five years living out scenes from “Office Space” in Corporate Accounts Payable. One of the many things I hate about Corporate America is the ridiculous overuse of Acronyms. You can’t say “John is phenomenal at Microsoft Access”, you have to say “John is an Access ‘S.M.E.’” (Subject Matter Expert).

I have come up with an acronym of my own to describe the type of people who work in Corporate America…PHAGS. It stands for Phony High-Horsed Anal Gaywad Suckers. If you think that’s politically incorrect, you probably work in Corporate America.

Plus, since Craig is now gay, we have license to say what we want about his people. It’s like when you hear someone follow an off color joke with, “It’s cool. My mom is part black” or “Don’t worry, I have a very good friend who’s a Chinaman”.

Keep in mind that if you are a phag (like Craig), we don’t mean for the phrase “Work’s for Phags” to be taken literally (or figuratively). We would in no way wish work upon anyone.

We’re just trying to maintain the tradition that Craig started 20 years ago when his 9th grade English teacher told his class “Take out your homework” and Craig responded, “Homework’s for fags”. Even in the current era of political correctness, we believe there are still things that are “for phags”. 2HW exists to point them out. Corporate America is about as for phags as it gets and we’ll use this space to explain why.