Taking Care of Business Casual

I have way too many business casual shirts in my closet that I refuse to wear on principle. They’re nice shirts, but now that the Man stopped giving me the business, I need to stick with simply casual. However, the long sleeved casual shirts currently in my wardrobe are few in number and are more like half shirts. It’s not a good look for the fat, unemployed guy to stretch and reveal his bare midriff.

I guess I could have borrowed one of my wife’s navel rings or at least cleaned out my belly button lint more frequently. Instead, I chose to spend money I don’t have on shirts with more fabric. I decided that I needed something that said, “It looks like tubby is going for casual, but you can tell he’s on a tight budget.” So, I went to the Old Navy hoping that their willingness to have their clothes made in sweatshops would save me money.

I found 3 XXL shirts for a total of $30 and couldn’t have been happier. I can rotate those 3 shirts all winter by implementing Craig’s college underwear system…washing them in the shower rather than wasting additional water using the washing machine.

If my income doesn’t pick up soon, I’ll have to wear one of these mock sweatshirts to the first annual 2HW awards show. When Joan Rivers asks me who I’m wearing, I’ll say, “Phoc Dhat. She may only be 8 years old, but it sounds like she’ll be forced to make second rate sweaters just like this for years to come”.

The problem is, Phoc’s hands aren’t big enough to make size XXXL shirts. I’m literally one size away from shopping at the Big and Tall Men’s store and I can’t afford that. I guess in that sense, I’m lucky to have lost my job. I’m in no danger of eating myself out of shopping at Old Navy, because food costs money. Hey, that gives me an idea. I think I’ll write a book called the “Atkinson Diet”…step 1 get fired…