Don't Quote Me

Dear People whose email auto-signatures contain ridiculous quotes,

I hate you.

Don’t misinterpret that. I didn’t say that I hate your auto-signature. Or your quote. It’s you. I hate you.

Why do you think I’d be the least bit interested/amused/inspired by one of quotes like the ones below that I pulled from actual emails you’ve sent me…

“If you see someone without a smile today, give them one of yours.”

“Can and Cannot is always the right answer, which one are YOU?” (Side note: Does that even make sense? If anyone can explain it, please leave a comment.)

“If you want to be a smart cookie, you can’t have a crumby attitude.”

You horrible people need to be punished. It’s bad enough that you include these quotes in work related emails, but you increase my cringe-factor tenfold with the fonts you choose for your mini-motivational speech. I’ve collected over 60 samples, and in every single one of them the oversized, colored font used for the quote is either bold or in italics.

Please stop the insanity before you get hurt. If you choose to continue to use a quote in your auto-signature, please stop reading my blog and get bent.

Thanks,
Matt

If you’re still reading, please open Microsoft Outlook and go to Tools > Options > Mail Format > Signatures > New. Title it “Work’s for PHAGS”. Click Advanced Edit and copy and paste the signature below into the box. Insert a hyperlink to this page and change the names, font and formatting as you see fit. Click Finish and give yourself a high five.

Your Name Here
Company de la Man
“I support Matt’s legislation to legalize hate crimes against idiots who put stupid cheer-me-up quotes in their auto-signatures.”

Thank you for your support in promoting the first-ever meaningful auto-signature quote.