You're an Eight Update 2

Here is the email exchange that I had with my lawyer regarding my office’s urinals being too close for comfort. I’m hoping that Jim J. Bullock will play me in the made for TV movie.

Hey Lawyer,

At work yesterday, I was urinating and a guy came in and sidled up next to me…there’s really not enough room for two people to pee next to each other and he kind of brushed up against me.

It really pissed me off, so I researched urinal code and the city of Overland Park requires that they be 30 inches center to center (and have a privacy partition, which these do not). I measured and they’re not even 25 inches apart. There’s not enough room to spread them further apart and the city code manager said it would be a lot of work to move them (I haven’t told him how far apart they are). If they took one of the urinals out, I imagine they wouldn’t be up to code with how many toilets they need per employee…but that’s just a guess. If that were the case they’d have to reconfigure every men’s room on all 10 floors of our building. Oh, I guess I’d need to know who owns the building.

So, why wouldn’t I have my lawyer go to my company and inform them that his anonymous client will agree not to inform the city and save them thousands of dollars in repairs in exchange for a large cash payment? Is that illegal? If so, I could get a doctor to write me notes about my newfound fear of urinating in public and subsequent health problems and mental anguish and it could be the next “sue McDonalds because they serve hot coffee” case. Maybe I should have sent this letter to that lawyer on Seinfeld…Jackie Chiles…instead of you.

If you laugh and call this idea ridiculous, then I was just trying to get more material for my blog. If you forsee me being a thousandaire, then I was dead serious. It’s a choose your own adventure lawsuit.

Choose wisely,
Matt

Matt,

Sorry for the late reply. I was traveling all last week. You have presented a very complex problem. However, I do understand you discomfort with the close proximity of the other users. I will have to look into it. The problem is that that the toilets were probably installed under a different code or they never would have passed inspection. I do have to commend you for your research on the urinal code.

Very impressive.
Lawyer