American Idol Recap 4/4/06

George Clooney went on the offensive last week against gawker.com. The sexiest Facts of Life cast member alive was not happy with the Gawker Stalker map, which uses tips from commoners like you to notify the world where Max Weinberg ate lunch eight hours ago. Clooney’s publicist encouraged other publicists to flood the gawker website with misinformation which would “render them useless”. There hasn’t been a line that overly dramatic since the last time Clooney used it—when he told his boy wonder Chris O’Donnell what he wanted to do to his nemesis, Mr. Freeze, in “Batman and Robin”. Come on Georgie, lighten up. If one-third of a day is not enough of a head start for you to outrun gawker readers you had no business wearing Bruce Wayne’s tights in the first place.

After viewing tonight’s episode of American Idol, it appears that Kenny Rogers took a page out of George’s book. Evidently the Gambler was none too pleased with www.menwholooklikeKennyRogers.com and decided to have a face transplant. The only logical explanation for Rogers’ massive reconstructive surgery is that he felt compelled to follow Clooney’s lead and render the guys at MWLLKR dot com useless. If Kenny doesn’t look like Kenny, then nobody can look like Kenny. He certainly showed them.

I don’t even feel like talking about American Idol after being forced to look at “my knight in shining armor’s” paint-by-number face. I’ll make a vow to go Kenny-free until John Woo makes “Face-Off II” starring Mr. Rogers and Cowboy’s Owner Jerry Jones. Okay, I need to focus this is supposed to be an American Idol recap, but I can’t get past Kenny’s boy band look any more than Ryan Seacrest could get past Simon’s crack about Seacrest trying to look like one of the Desperate Housewives (a not-so-subtle reference to recently published photos of Ryan publicly kissing Teri Hatcher, whose Desperate Housewives love interest sports a beard hauntingly similar to the one Ryan had tonight). It was quite funny to watch the rest of the show, as Ryan bashed Simon any chance he could get.

The lover’s quarrel between Simon and Ryan was a lot more interesting than the singing. It was the second straight forgettable week. Simon hated almost everyone and later admitted to Catharine that he just doesn’t like country music.

What a waste of a week. Someone has to go though. Bucky and Kellie are safe. Neither will be voted off on Country week. Going into this week, I would have picked Ace to be ousted, but I thought his song really fit his voice well. I generally can’t stand his cheese, but I kind of liked him maybe it was Kenny’s compliment of the match between Ace and song that subliminally got to me. Elliot has a great voice, but just doesn’t have the “it factor” and will be voted off within the next 3 weeks. Mandisa and country music aren’t a great match. It’s weird, she seemed to be one of the favorites a few weeks ago, but really got bashed hard by the judges last week for singing a Gospel song, and didn’t receive any favorable reviews again this week. Taylor has really moved away from what made him likeable in the first place. The last two weeks he’s been very plain, not his usual animated soul patrolling self and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him in the bottom 3. I think Paris, Chris and Katharine were good enough to move on and they could easily be the last 3 standing. Kenny Rogers will not be so lucky. An invite back to Idol is unlikely, but if Felicity Huffman is too busy playing a desperate housewife to star in “Transamerica 2”, Rogers could easily fill that role.