Chili Husbandry

When I walked into the break room today, FB and her fun committee partner (henceforth known as fun beatch’s beatch or FBB) were hanging up a sign-up sheet for the upcoming chili cook-off. I came in mid-conversation, but could immediately tell they were both pissed about the lack of interest in the chili cook-off. I wish I had written down FBB’s quote. It was downright mean. Something about sending out nasty emails if “this doesn’t work”. She may as well have said, “If you don’t make chili with a smile on your face when we tell you to, we WILL start busting kneecaps.” I had to turn away to suppress my laughter.

After they left I took a look at the four names on the sheet. Suspiciously, they all were written with the same handwriting. The list included our director (who no doubt felt sorry for the FBs), the Golf of Mexico (who wouldn’t know fun if it hit him in the head with a four-iron), FBB and finally this beauty from FB herself…

Blankety Blank (husbon’s)

I assume she was signing herself up, but wanted everyone to know that her husband would be making the chili. But, you’ve got to be kidding me. “Husbon”? That’s how a second grader would spell “husband” if they were trying to sound it out.

I signed up “Jon Bon Jovi” and within 30 minutes it was whited out. A co-worker pointed out that I really should have written, “Jon Bon Jovi (wyf’s)”. The next day I signed up Fonzi to make some fun chili. A couple days later FB was overheard saying, “Someone signed up Jon Bon Jovi yesterday. Now Fonzi is on the list. I just don’t think that’s very funny”. I guess FB and I have a mutual disrespect for each other…I don’t think she’s very fun.