Speak no Huevo, Hear no Huevo

Dear National Association of the Deaf,

Recently I lamented the fact that there is not a male version of the National Organization for Women. I joked about a National Association for Dudes, never imagining that a group would actually use the initials NAD. Just because you can’t hear, doesn’t mean you’re dumb. Why wouldn’t you rearrange your initials so that they didn’t spell a slang term for testicle?

Your ignorance reminded me of an article I read years ago in Sports Illustrated. It was about Mexican born Eurubiel Durazo, who was passed over by many scouts, but had a solid rookie season. The author said that scouts who ignored Durazo have “huevos on their faces”. He was trying to imply that scouts were embarrassed, but he should have checked with someone who actually knew Spanish rather than relying on his Spanish/English dictionary’s definition of “huevos”. It literally means “eggs”, but is slang for “testicles”.

Wow, that really wasn’t where I was going when I first decided to write to you. I should really put this entry over on Craig’s blog because he’s the wonder most likely to get distracted by testicles.

I have a much more serious reason for this letter. I recently lost my job and really need your help increasing the traffic on my website. I need to sexify my blog, making it easier on the eyes. I’m picturing each blog entry becoming a video with a hot deaf girl signing the words as they scroll down the screen closed captioning style. If she can read the blog in Spanish while signing that would be ideal. As far as you know, I have no experience renting hot Spanish speaking deaf girls by the hour. Do you have a catalogue or some type of brochure that details your rates?

Thanks,
Matt

P.S. If this works out, please make sure to send a female. Craig has been lurking around 2HW again and I’m a little worried that if a hot deaf Mexican dude joined the staff, someone would end up with huevos on their face.