Campaign Help Wanted

I have turned to Craiglist to help my presidential campaign, posting the letter below…
Update: My post only lasted 12 hours before a Craiglist user (my money is on Yakov Smirnoff) flagged it for not being up to Craiglist’s high standards. The post has been deleted. Granted, this isn’t my best work, but good Lord, it's not like I violated the Geneva Conventions. How could anyone take this seriously?

Attention Thousandaires: Happy President’s Day from your next Prez

Hello,

My name is Matt and like so many Americans I suffer from the embarrassment of lactose intolerance. But, my disability is not going to stop me from pursuing my boyhood dream of becoming an ex-President of the United States. Former Presidents make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and don’t have to do anything. If ever there was a job that matched my skill sets, ex-President is it. But, how does a fat, balding, badly mustached average American become the leader of the free world?

By championing a cause that every American can get behind.

Recently I made a video about the urinals in my office’s men’s room being dangerously close together. The Man tried to shut me up by firing me, giving me some lame excuse about it being inappropriate to bring video cameras into the men’s room. I was terminated for standing up for what I believe in: that Americans have an unalienable right to have enough room to comfortably relieve themselves in public restrooms. So, I’ve decided to center my campaign on the Urinal Code Reform platform. If you’re against that, you might want to get yourself tested for Communism.

I believe that Americans want a leader that takes a genuine interest in how they pee. I need talented people who agree with my strong urinal code values to help me run my campaign. I am currently looking for all types of volunteers. Experience with graffiti art a plus. Forget party affiliations and pledge your allegiance to the candidate that crosses party lines by trying to put an end to cross streaming at public urinals.

Thank you,
Matt

Matt H. Wonder for President, Come on, it’ll be funny

For more information on my current standing on the issues (subject to change without notice)…
http://twohitwonder.blogspot.com/search/label/Presidential%20Campaign

Video that started my crusade against urinal code injustice…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWWphdDbJqc