My primary motivation for becoming President is the generous retirement package. But, I also plan to use the Presidency to launch my comedy career. I imagine it will be easier to get a meeting with Comedy Central as an ex-President rather than as an ex-accountant.
While I’ll be able to devote more time to the funny once I leave office, I think I can still find time to do comedy projects while presidenting. I’ve always wanted to work with Ashton Kucher and I think a Presidential version of Punk’d would get huge ratings. Imagine the look on the head of the CIA’s face when I have the secret service restrain him while I literally try to debrief him. How would Queen Elizabeth react if I told her I noticed her giving me the eye and wondered if she wanted to get busy? What if I asked French president Jacques Chirac if there really was a place in France where the women wear no pants? I wonder if Boris Yeltsin would fall for it if I called him on the red phone and said, "One, two, three, four, let's declare a Cold War". How many episodes could I do before being impeached?
To do: find out how long you have to be President before your retirement plan is vested.
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