Dear Alex Goen,
In an interview following the death of your company’s spokesmodel, Anna Nicole Smith, you said, “Yeah I was pretty shocked and concerned.” Which would have been nice had you been talking about her unexpected passing, instead your shock and concern had to do with the presence of Slim Fast cans in Anna Nicole’s refrigerator. A life was lost, but you got caught up in the scandal of your spokesperson using a competitor’s product. You went on to talk about having already had plans to replace Anna Nicole with a “new face”.
I’m guessing it might be a little harder to find someone to take on that role given the way you swept Anna Nicole under the rug shortly after her death. If you find that to be true, count me in, bitch. I’m just as fat, dumb and lazy as Anna Nicole and would love to have the opportunity to help you continue to sucker fatties into believing that taking a pill is the key to weight loss rather than diet and exercise.
I’m running for President and would be glad to wear Trimspa logoed shirts and hot pants during my campaign. For the right price, I’ll modernize the Presidential Physical Fitness Test to allow kids to opt out one fitness test event for every Trimspa pill they agree to take. Getting ahead in the real world is all about cutting corners, not how many pull ups you can do. No company exemplifies that ideal like Trimspa. You are a hero and will be nominated for the Congressional Medal of Honor as soon as I take office.
Thanks,
Matt
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