Big news. I may be unemployed today. But, a year from now I may just be the next President of the United States. I’m officially announcing my candidacy today. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to win. It has to be the second worst job in America behind Accountant (third worst if you consider “assistant to the fun committee chairman” a job).
But, even if I lose the election, I win.
Look at Al Gore. He could be stuck in the White House; instead he’s making Academy Award nominated PowerPoint presentations. Gore’s best documentary nominee, “An Inconvenient Truth”, takes a look at the dangers of global warming. It just so happens that I was assigned the opposite side of the global warming myth in a college debate class. I have a ton of data that my debate partner gathered that should shut up Al Bore and all the global warming alarmists once and for all. I’d love to get the chance to debate big Al on the issue as a warm-up to the presidential debates. Gore will have no chance against my “I’m not hot, are you hot?” case.
I don’t really have time right now to get into whether or not I’ll affiliate with a party or if I have any clue where I stand on the important issues. All I know for sure is that I’m running on the urinal code reform platform. If you’re against that, you’re either un-American or work in HR.
To do list…
Determine whom I hate more than anyone and make him/her my press secretary.
Start a Café Press store to put my campaign slogan (“Smarter than Some, Friend of a Few”) on a bunch of crappy merchandise.
Find out if “running for president” in any way prevents me from continuing to draw unemployment.
Find people dumb enough to contribute to my campaign and find out if it’s okay to use campaign finances for groceries and mortgage payments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment