Running Mate

I have chosen Isaiah Washington to be my running mate. He is black and homosexual, which should help diversify the demographic of our potential supporters. Thank you.

Edit: Sorry, I just found out that Mr. Washington is not so much a homosexual as he is a homophobe. But, he went to rehab in search of the cure for using anti-gay slurs, so I’d like to keep him. If he hates the gays and I don’t, I think that should help our chances. It would actually make sense for us to disagree on every topic. That way, half of all Americans will agree with one of us on every issue.

Re-edit: Just got word from Craig H. Wonder. He’ll run for Vice President as long as he doesn’t have to do anything. Isaiah Washington is out for the second time in one post.

Re-re-edit: Craig and I have skeletons in our closet. Rather than have the smoking gun dot com ruin our campaign, we’ve decided to start confessing our transgressions up front. So here goes…

During our freshman year in college, Craig and I were roommates. We lived on the fourth floor. One night we got a call from a friend on the first floor saying he was on his way up to our room. Craig and I thought it would be funny to drop our pants and pretend to be making love (out of nothing at all). Evidently our friend took the long way up, causing Craig and I to be Men Without Pants for an uncomfortably long period of time. If pictures of that incident surface let me assure you that was the first and last time Craig and I experimented as friends with benefits.